Plan B

     

  I have spent my entire life, running through other people's lives. I never felt that I belonged, never felt like I was "Home". I never had Roots.

  In 2001 I came to a place called "Horse Rescue, Relief and Retirement Fund" aka "Save The Horses" and there, I met a woman named Cheryl Flanagan. Cheryl taught me a lot of things, one of these things was "In order to truly be someone's friend, you have to accept them the way they are." And that is true. You cannot expect anyone to change who they are, to suit your needs. I am hard-headed and I was known for my temper and Cheryl and I butted heads a few times. But Cheryl never held it against me, it was just part of who I am and she accepted that.

  I had a lot of great times at the rescue, when I first started volunteering there, a lot of times, I was the only volunteer there. I remember days where there was snow and ice and I was trying to push the wheelbarrow down the driveway to feed all the hungry mouths, slipping and sliding all the way. I didn't mind, it was a labor of love.

  I experienced a lot of heartache there also, deaths of horses that were dear to me. Trying to save an old soul and ending up having to let him go. But that is what we do, we rescue animals, sometimes we can only rescue them from this life and help them to pass peacefully, knowing someone cared for them.

  I also met Cheryl's sister, Michele Williams. Michele runs a Canine rescue "Ga Canine Adoption Network." Michele and I knew each other, but I was engrossed in the horse rescue and didn't talk to Michele a lot.

  Eventually, the horse rescue grew and a LOT of volunteers started coming every day. Everyone that knows me, knows I am not a great people person. I stopped doing the hands-on stuff because I couldn't deal with how many people were there every day. I missed being there, because it felt like home. I tried other places, other states, but I was always wanting to go home.

  Fast forward to 2016, Cheryl asks me to come and stay at her house and take care of her dogs. While I was there, I found a lump in my left breast. Oh crap! So I go to the doctor and they do a biopsy. I had Invasive Ductal Carcinoma!

 I got treatment, I had a double mastectomy in 2017, I also had my ovaries removed because we found out I have the BRCA1 cancer gene.

 Michele Williams is my hero. She took me to all my doctor appts, went with me for biopsies, stayed with me when I was having surgery, got up at ungodly hours to make sure I got to my appointments on time.

 Then, the cancer came back. I had a tumor in my right lung and a biopsy confirmed my breast cancer had spread into my lung. 3 months Chemo, Michele was with me every time. I decided I had had enough, I told my doctor that I was done with being sick and tired. I told him I wasn't doing any more chemo and asked him to set me up with the surgeon. In April 2018 I had surgery to remove the tumor from my lung.

  6 weeks later, I had a CT Scan to do a follow up from my surgery. My doctor came into the exam room and he had tears in his eyes. He told me that I now had 10 tumors in my lungs and there wasn't anything left to do for me. My doctor hugged me and told me he was sorry.

 I have this to say: To Michele and Cheryl, Thank you for treating me like family, but most of all, Thank you for giving me roots. :)


 So, now I am going to die. I have so many people that find out I have breast cancer and they say "Well, you're a survivor",,,NO, I am NOT a Survivor! It's killing me!

   I don't have a supportive family and it's been that way my whole life. So, I donated my body to science, Emory University, to be exact. I found out yesterday, that they only accept about 40% of the bodies donated to them and that I needed to have a "Plan B" in place. Well, great, I don't have a plan B. I don't have life insurance.

  So, I spoke with Michele and I told her that I would try to do a fundraiser. It would be, for just a regular cremation, no viewing, about 5 grand. If I raise the money and Emory accepts my body, all funds would go to Ga Canine Adoption Network.

 If you would like to help, here is the donation button, please mark your donation as being for "Plan B". The button below goes straight to Ga Canine Adoption Network.

Thank you

What If?

 What if someone started a Foundation that helped low income cancer patients? Maybe just by lending a hand to pay a bill, or even to have a spa day? I know that having a spa day being pampered, would be heaven after all the days of doctors appointments, tests, filling prescriptions, etc,, I mean, it just wears you down and tears at your soul.

 Sure, it would help with other things also, the uninsured or under-insured.. Perhaps even help with your final wishes, power of attorney forms, living wills, making arrangements for your beloved pets.

There are just so many things that people with cancer need help with. Some of the aid programs involve so much red tape, we just don't have the energy for it.

So, let me hear from you,, some of your thoughts and ideas in the comments below!

Went to the Lung Surgeon today........

Really nice guy. He also stated he wants me to try the oral chemo for a few months and do surgery after.

 I asked him about the "Suspect" in my intestines and he said more than likely (but not positive) it's not cancerous, so they will worry about that later.

I'm not really comfortable worrying about it later. What if later, it's found to be cancer after all and has now spread? I think better safe than sorry, applies here.


 I hate that this is happening AGAIN. My life consists of either going to the doctor or worrying about my next doctor's visit. I'm in such a constant state of agitation and I hate it.

Don't "Settle" for a Doctor

 When I was younger, when I went to the doctor, I took the meds they gave me, never questioned them. They're the doctors, right?

 Now I am older and I know better. YOU have to take control of your life, question everything. If I listened to everything my doctors told me now, I'd be dead.

 I am not saying that I am smarter or know more than my doctor, but I know ME, and doctors rarely get to know you as a person.

 My  doctor recently prescribed me Femara. When I got home, I looked Femara up on their website. On it, it clearly states that it is for  treatment of breast cancer, but only if you have been taking Tamoxifen for at least 5 years.

From the website: Femara

FEMARA is indicated for the extended adjuvant treatment of early breast cancer in postmenopausal women who have received 5 years of adjuvant tamoxifen therapy. The effectiveness of FEMARA in extended adjuvant treatment of early breast cancer is based on an analysis of disease-free survival in patients treated with FEMARA for a median of 60 months.

 I have not been taking Tamoxifen at all.



I went to my doctor friday and I had a friend with me. My friend was there for moral support as this was the day I got results from my biopsy. I felt so bad for my friend, because my doctor gave her bad news. Yep, apparantly my friend has metastatic breast cancer in her lung. Wait, did that not make any sense? Right, yes, I was there to get results from MY biopsy, from MY doctor, but the moment my doctor walked into the room she only looked at my friend and talked to her. She gave my friend all the news, I was just a bystander.

Also, not once, but twice, the doctor was interrupted by the nurse knocking and pulling her from the room. What a way to make someone feel insignificant!


 Pick your Doctor, talk to your Doctor. If their plan seems like a good one, great. But if they just seem like they want to do the bare minimum, or treat you like a number, find a new Doctor. I have already fired one doctor and this one will be fired later this afternoon, why? Because I was supposed to get rather important test results yesterday, and she couldn't be bothered to call or even have a colleague call if she was busy. To me, that means I'm not important enough to her.

This is MY life, and I WILL be in charge of it.