Monday, January 2, 2017

Have you ever?

People, I don't understand most of them. I have a friend, actually I always thought of her as more than a friend. She was more like the Mother I never had. I have known her for 16 years.
When we first met, she helped me a lot. I had some personal issues that I have worked through since then and I am a better person for it.
Now, my friend has always told me that when you have a friend, you have to accept that person as they are, for who they are. You can't try to change them. If you can't, then you cannot be friends.

Now, in the first couple of years, I was put in charge of taking care of some precious lives. I took that seriously and protected them with everything I had. Perhaps a little too harshly at times, but I kept them alive.
(Note: I am not talking about human lives here)

In that period of time, I should not have been in charge of anything. I know this now, but not back then. I don't deal with people well, never have. I would rather be at home, than celebrating any holiday. I let very few people into my life, because I have learned that when you let people in, they let you down.

Anyways, my friend has never forgotten that period of time, she claims to not hold it against me, but uses it as an excuse whenever I need some help. Never once, in 16 years, have I ever told her no, when she asked me for help. She cannot accept that I am a different person now.

In June of 2016, I was house sitting for my friend and while there, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She let me stay after her return because I was receiving treatment. (I live in another state) I stayed for a period of time, partly because of my treatments, but mostly because I enjoyed spending time with her again.

While at her place, I learned that she had another property that had an empty apartment. I am on a waiting list for a low income apartment, and I asked her if I could rent the apartment just until my other apartment became available. She told me no, using who I was 15 years ago as an excuse for why she didn't want me to be there.She also said that she didn't want anyone living there. It was then that I realized that she didn't see me as being a friend, or at least anyone important.

(Note: Her son's girlfriend is now living in the apartment, not her son, just the girlfriend)

So I returned to my home. It's not actually my home, but a friend's home that is letting me stay until my apartment becomes available.

It hurts when you realize that someone that was very important in your life, doesn't consider you to be important in theirs. But like I stated in the beginning of this post, when you let people in, they let you down.